Sunday, May 25, 2014

RYBS: Don't Tell Anyone Your Daughter is ALIVE!

Read Your Bible Series - Week Three

Don't Tell Anyone Your Daughter is ALIVE!


Luke chapter 8 contains several different miracles performed by the lamb of god, Jesus of Nazareth.  But in order to move right to the point of this week's topic, we will just concentrate on the final two described by the author of Luke.  Starting with verse 40:
Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. Then a man named Jairus, a synagogue leader, came and fell at Jesus’ feet, pleading with him to come to his house because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying.
Fantastic!  Here is direct evidence that Jesus openly condoned universal healthcare and brazenly practiced it as well.  Take that, Bill O'Reilly.
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
'Who touched me?' Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, 'Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.'
But Jesus said, 'Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.'
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.'
Poor Jesus...  Even before his blessed destiny of saving humanity by dying a horrendous and inhuman death, the ultimate plan of human salvation that our creator had devised for his one and only offspring was put in jeopardy by an inadequate venue and vastly underestimating his popularity.  Personally, I blame Peter; the wishy-washy little creep.

Then in a strange turn of events, some lunatic groupie somehow managed to get too close and brushed her hand against Jesus' stunning Iron Age threads.  But for some reason, "the Son" essence of the holy Trinity gets confused.  Jesus can feel that some idiot stole some of his power, but he didn't know who did it.  I find that odd behavior for an omniscient being.  But then again, I've never been omniscient.  So there may very well be some unknown drawbacks to knowing everything.

I guess I'll never know.

Anyway, the poor woman finally felt the weight of her guilt for being like Mr. Jingles and stealing some of the power away from John Coffey, erm, I mean Jesus Christ, so she admitted to everyone that she had been the anonymous fondler his mystical linens. I suppose that was probably a good idea since the almighty has a bit of a misogynist history; like turning women into pillars of salt.

And now, the final few verses of chapter 8:
While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. 'Your daughter is dead,' he said. 'Don’t bother the teacher anymore.'
Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, 'Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.'
When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child's father and mother. Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. 'Stop wailing,' Jesus said. 'She is not dead but asleep.'
They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. But he took her by the hand and said, 'My child, get up!' Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat. Her parents were astonished, but he ordered them not to tell anyone what had happened.
Okay, be honest.  Who out there didn't know that besides himself, Jesus had resurrected someone besides Lazarus?  C'mon... Tell the truth...

First, why was Jesus so burdened with the raising of his dear friend Lazarus, that he had to almost beg his father to allow it?  Yet in this instance of defeating death, he's just so nonchalant about raising some girl he doesn't even know.  (Let's not rehash the arguments against resurrection that we covered week two, either.)  Second, why would Jesus take the parents aside and order them to remain silent?  As I eluded to earlier, the whole point of the birth and life of Jesus was ultimately to get him murdered.  And by murdered I mean sacrificed.  So why be so secretive about the unlimited power of the Christ?

Now, I'm not omnipotent or omniscient or omnipresent, but if I'm any one of these, there's no way I would be worried about a couple of Iron Age parents doing the equivalent of putting a, "My Kid Was Resurrected" bumper sticker on their cow goat.

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